Because it was grassy and wanted wear
There was a movie on television the other evening. I don’t remember what the movie was called. What I do remember was one of the characters. The story seems to be centered on a high school reunion. The character I’m talking about was just beat up by his high school sweetheart’s husband. He’s sitting in the hospital and just looks pathetic. He never left his hometown. He never went to college. He never did anything with his life. He operates a snow plow.
This reminded of the people who were my friends when I lived in Maryland. I haven’t kept in contact with most of them. What I do know is that there are a good deal of them that are still there. They never left home. They work some blue-collar job, live at home, and don’t appear to have gone anywhere in life.
What’s scary about that is that it could’ve been me. I realize now how much better my life is because I left that place. At the time, however, I hated it. I didn’t want to leave my friends, my home, my little comfortable unchanging world. If we hadn’t moved out of there I may have just become stuck in that small view of the world.
On some level, I’m still trying to escape that. One of the most influential teachers I had in Maryland was Mr. Wohner (I’m not sure if that spelling is correct). He was my 7th grade Geography teacher. He was also the person that first taught me to set goals. Seventh grade was also the year I went from doing just enough to get by to working to exceeding requirements and expectations.
From then on, my goals for the future were fairly clear. Do well in school, go to college, get a good job. I imagine those are fairly common goals amongst my peers. It’s a very clear and simple path to follow. There were very few major choices I needed to make to fulfill this goal. Basically, if I just worked hard I’d get there.
Now that I’m ‘there’ things get a good deal more complicated. One of the most difficult parts of adapting to ‘adult life’ is dealing with a very subtle yet distinct shift in how how to approach life. Suddenly, after all these years, there are no clearly defined paths to take. I’m standing in the middle of a wide open field with infinite choices and possibilities and no idea as to where I should go. In fact, there really isn’t any such that is where one ’should’ go, just where one wants to go.
I know this should be an exciting part of life. This is where I start making my own path. This is when I shape my own future, set my own goals, become who I want to be. I should be psyched, pumped up, ready to pounce on my future. But I’m not.
I’m scared; very scared. For the first time there are no definates. For the first time there is no safety net. For the first time I have to make my own path. I have no one to emulate, no example to strive for, no clear direction in which I should head. I have no clear idea of what I want to do and no one can really tell me what to do. From this point forward my life is measured from the sum of my works, my choices, my path. Only, I don’t know what I want. I don’t know where I want to go. I don’t know who I want to be.
